After losing both of my parents and then my 18 year old son in a car accident, I endured years of anguish, anxiety and depressed thinking – made worse by my misplaced belief that I had to be strong and in control.

I eventually had to dig deep inside to deal with my emotions, to heal and find my inner peace.

I remember when my Dad died

I had just been promoted to Operations Director a month earlier and I decided that my coping mechanism for the loss of my father was to “Not let it affect my new job”, unknowingly then this led to a lot of anger and defensive behaviour.

Eventually after 18 months in the position and 15 years with this company, I decided to leave. I was at the top of my game and position but I would feel angry with anyone that challenged me, I took it personally. I was a victim of circumstance. Work and home life suffered and it eventually led to the breakdown of my marriage.

I remember when my Mum died

Overwhelmed, depression, anger, and deep sorrow for losing this wonderful person from my life. Christmas was looming and I had no desire for any celebration, so I searched for help from Cruse bereavement. This is where I first realised that I hadn’t dealt with the loss of my father yet and now the loss of my mother added to my sorrow and sadness.

Learning how to deal with the grief found me searching for someone or something to take away the anguish. This led me to seek coaching and self enquiry.

Just when I thought I was going to get my life back on track and have a great year ahead, I remember announcing to all of my colleagues and family that things were looking up and this is going to be a great year. How wrong I was?

I remember when my Son Died

I got a phone call to tell me my 18 year old son Mark had been killed in a car accident. My world stopped and all I could think about was how can I fix this? I always fix things, its my job, my responsibility as a Father to make this better for his mother, his sister and his brothers – for all of the family.

I couldn’t fix this problem. It was then that I realised how helpless I was and how hopeless it was for me to even try. I chose to be strong and concentrate on putting a brave face on.

Years of sadness, anger, guilt, shame, anxiety and depression, weight gain, loss of drive and a “What’s the point” mentality ensued.

I searched for the ways that would help me to get past the pain, to a place of happiness and joy once again.

I’m a man that can be brave and strong and also scared sometimes. I can be creative and destructive. I can be sad and happy. I realised I was just being human and that is more than enough.

I am now a successful Transformational Coach. Through coaching,  mentoring and my poetry, I help and educate other people, who are going through similar struggles in life. I help them to understand that through talking and insight, they will come out on the other side as a more content, happy and impactful person.

There are many emotions that people will go through in the face of loss, some you will recognise and identify with and some you won’t.

There is no lonelier place than when you close down all your emotions. To just survive or exist, to question and search for a meaning that just isn’t there. “100% love with no place to go”.

The day I lost my son was the hardest day of my life and those hard days continued on for years.  I looked for a solution outside of myself.
I pursued reading, self development, counselling, coaching, family, lots of NLP and other techniques, anything to get some balance back in my life.
All this searching led to one place. I had the answer within ME the whole time. As in the ‘Wizard of Oz’ – that somewhere over the rainbow was ME. There was simply no place like hoME. This is what I have to share with others, to help them understand and uncover the true meaning of inner peace for themselves.
It was this discovery that has convinced me that everyone can find happiness again, no matter what life brings to your door.